‘If A Man Is Well-Bred, Then He’s Handsome’

Deaconess Doyin OgunbiyiShe was thrice a commissioner in Ogun State. Deaconess Doyin Ogunbiyi, currently the Managing Director of Gateway Tourism Development Corporation, in this chat with TOLUWANI OLAMITOKE reveals the salient qualities that make up a handsome man. She also speaks on her marital life, professional career as well as her social relationship with others, among other issues.

When did you take up your present post?
SOMETIME in 2005. Before then, I was Chairman of the Gateway Television Board and had also been a commissioner thrice in Ogun State. I was former commissioner in three different ministries. These are the Ministry of Works and Housing, Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development where I was the pioneer commissioner and the Ministry of Youths, Sports and Culture.

What’s your experience on the job so far?
It’s been quite interesting and motivating in the sense that it challenges my creative skills. Tourism is all about creativity. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with ideas that I just feel I could swing a magic wand and have everything fall into place. But time and funding sometimes put a little fear in me. I am always thinking of how to put all my ideas and creative thinking in place before the tenure ends. So I am always in a hurry to get many things done. But the fact remains that the extent you can go with tourism is limitless. The bottomline is for us to have some things we can point to as being achieved in the tenure of Otunba Gbenga Daniel as we had in the days of our fathers and predecessors — the Awolowo(s) and Onabanjo(s) of the state. So I am eager to ensure that Otunba Daniel has a lot of landmark achievement, in tourism especially.

Can you describe your normal working day?
My day starts early in the morning between 5 and 6.30 a.m. I go before the Lord, have my morning devotion. After prayers, I’m ready for work. I’m not a breakfast person, so I don’t eat in the morning at all. And if I have to take something, it’s water. I realise when I take breakfast, I feel heavy and lazy for the day. By mid-day, I’m ready for a good meal, every part of my body will be asking for it unless I’m fasting. I have a table planner of activities in the office and ensure I achieve every activity planned for the day, no matter how late. By the grace of God, I keep every appointment, hold every meeting and treat every file. When I get to the office in the morning, I spend few hours before the Lord, thanking Him for counting me worthy to occupy that seat again (post held). I then treat all files. issues don’t pend on my table unless I put them on hold deliberately; otherwise, every file must receive my attention immediately. I spend as long as the day permits at work. I don’t restrict myself to the official time of work. At my level, I shouldn’t.

How do you round off your day?
(Smiling) Aah... I’m a late sleeper. The point is I don’t entertain office work at home. I tolerate it occasionally if it’s urgent, but it’s not in my character to take work home. And even if I want to handle this at home, it will be in the dead of the night when there is serenity in the air between the wee hours of 12 and 3.00am. That’s when I have the inspiration and solution to many things. Again I also pray at this time or do some reading or chat on the Internet. I don’t wake up late either. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a sound sleep.

And how do you unwind?
Of recent I have adopted the habit of going for recreation after leaving the office. This is possible because all the children are grown up and I’m free. I spend at least one hour at the gym, come home, have a shower and a very light dinner — usually rice. Then I just relax, pick calls, go through dailies, watch the news. I’m not a movie person. I listen to the news to know what’s going around the world. I also enjoy the company of good and reasonable people, men and women of reason who will add value to me. I like people who will task my brain and set me thinking and come up with ideas which I jot down. And I enjoy such company maybe over a bottle of wine or something else. It’s good occasionally. I try to give myself the best of anything I want. Gone are the days I deprived myself of a lot of luxury like clothes, jewelry and the likes so that the children could have the best. I sacrificed a lot of things. So, now is my turn, even the children are asking me to start enjoying myself and have anything I want since they can now stand on their own.

Was your marriage an early one?
Yes, I married early, and I was so naive.

How naive were you?
I had no exposure as to relationship with men. I was brought up in a very strict Catholic home and we were not exposed to boy-girl relationship. I married the first man I met. My mum was very strict but my dad was just a simple man.

How old were you then?
I was in my early 20’s

What year was it?
1976.

Were you schooling or working when you got married?
I was working at WNTV/WNBC - first in Africa, but I was then not yet a university graduate. It was after getting married that I went for further studies — my first and second degrees.

Were you sure from the outset your spouse was the Mr. Right?
I didn’t even understand love nor knew what it meant to be attracted or have a heart for a man. I just discovered that he was caring and wanted to keep me and have me for marriage.

From your own perspective, should the physical apperance of your date be the sole consideration of marrying him?
Let me tell you the advice my mother used to give in this regard. My mother would often say if you meet a man, take a look at his shoes, this speaks volume about his personality; check if they are well-polished or they have dust settled on them. Then she would add, check if the nails are clean and are not half finger nails — because some guys bite their nails. She also emphasised on listening to the guy’s words in case his words are dirty or he’s not cultured. You will notice she has not mentioned anything about his physical appearance. According to my mum, a well-bred man is a very handsome man. You are not looking at beauty but the personality. All that has been mentioned determines the character and the type of person you are inside. From what he utters, you will know if he’s courteous, does not talk anyhow or if he’s one who doesn’t respect your feelings.

And when you met your spouse what were the qualities you saw in him?
I saw a very gentle, neat-looking man who couldn’t hurt a fly. He fitted into the picture of a perfect man. I didn’t have a problem with his personality, but he fell within the context of those who had their mothers controlling them. My spouse’s mother insisted he must not marry an Egba woman. It was actually the parental control on my husband which caused our separation, otherwise he fitted into the picture of what my mother would ask one to look for in a man. Above all, a God-fearing man is the ideal partner for marriage. A God-fearing man is one that has conscience. A man who can’t say sorry for hurting you but hammers it into your skull that you are a woman or preaches gender everytime is not a human being and not fit for a husband.

African men, it has been observed, prefer the male child so as to carry on with the family name while the all-female child home is prone to rift. Did you have such experience?
No. It has always been two-two, two girls and two boys, but I wouldn’t know what the situation would have been if it had been all girls. But if I had found myself in such a situation, I wouldn’t have minded.

Can you tell me about your children?
The last one is in the university, the first is married, one is working and the next is just passing out. They are all doing well. God has been good to us.

What are their fields of study?
The first read International Relations, the second Computer Science, third Psychology and the fourth Business Management. The third was the student union president of his university — Covenant University. The first who is married has given me so far two grandchildren. The girls are my sisters, we share a lot of things together and my boys are my close friends and confidants.

What are those things that cause misunderstanding or rift in marriage?
Unfaithfulness and lack of trust. Also, when a couple fails to live an open lifestyle but do things in secret, there will be rift. Most men see rising women as competitors and usually try to destablize their movement to the top. Also, if there’s lack of cooperation in the home it will know no peace. Above all, if they leave God out of their home there will be trouble. Ordinarily, if I have a friend who prays along with me, he or she has won my heart. A couple that prays together stays together.

As a parent, what’s your view on inter-tribal/inter-racial marriage?
I was a victim of inter-tribal marriage. My husband’s parents told him ,”You cannot marry an Abeokuta woman” My spouse is from Ijebu. My mother was very tough on me in that marriage, my husband lost hold of his home and so we separated. But my attitude today is that it does not matter if both are from different tribes or race so long as they find happiness.

Are you fashionable?
(Laughing) What do you see? Well ,the bottomline is that I try to look attractive but not loud. I hate people dressing loud. I like looking fresh, modest, radiant and also dressing to match.

Can you tell me your beauty routine?
(Laughing) Oh! That’s the secret of it all. I do exercise, take a lot of water, have enough rest and ensure I have peace of mind. These are beauty therapy for the inside. For the exterior, I watch what I eat twice a day and also avoid harsh or bleaching creams. I do some cleansing toning but above all, I take supplements to rejuvenate myself.

What’s your educational qualification?
I have a Master’s degree in Communication and Language Arts from the University of Ibadan but the previous qualifications were obtained abroad. I’m a career professional to the core. I love social work; I have the heart for anybody who is in need.

How old are you?
I’m in my 50’s.